27 April 2011

Total fail

We all have our good days and our bad days.  Our ups and our downs.  Guess today was my "down" day.  Not all was bad, work was quite good today, praise God.  Both lessons went really well.  It was what happened between those two lessons that I am very disappointed in.  Felt very let down by my phone today, how the battery died on me moments before a scheduled meet up time.  I waited at the scheduled place but there was no show.  There were no signs.  I prayed that God's will be done cos without a phone meant no call, texts or internet, there was no communication and all that was left was prayer and trust in God.  God gave me the patience to wait.  I waited eagerly.  Tried to start up the phone again, but the said smartphone boot up takes longer than sixty seconds, therefore eating up more of the reserved battery.  Disappointing indeed.  Half an hour later bumped into someone whom suggested the appointment may have been forgotten.  Reluctantly I went back home to charge up the phone and powered up to check if everything was ok.  Everything was fine.  Apparently a text message was sent to me very near the time of meeting, but I still received nothing, even though battery was getting charged up.  So, no reply from me (because of no batt!) resulted in no meeting up.  What an epic fail!  Sigh...!  Everything else didn't matter.  My sallow face reflected my mood.  Total disappointment.

Nobody has any idea what this meant to me.  Ok, maybe God does.  Maybe it's His way of saying, "Son, give it up.  Submit to me!"  Arghh!!!

In my peed off mood, I shall no longer tolerate my phone having no battery, so tonight I went ahead with buying an in-car charger for my HTC Magic.  Very cheap, only £1.87 total price inclusive of delivery.  I can't believe this whole thing was messed up due to a dead battery.  I maybe should not have unplugged the charger at 97% this morning.  That 3% more power could have made all the difference to my day.... or could it have...?

22 April 2011

A man after God's heart

King David was described as a man after God's heart in Acts 13:22:

"After removing Saul, he made David their king. God testified concerning him: ‘I have found David son of Jesse, a man after my own heart; he will do everything I want him to do.’"

That is what I strive to be also. I want to walk close to God and I want to live a Spirit-filled, Spirit-lead life.  What I strive for is simple, but it is not easy to achieve.  Sometimes there are many things that distract me and takes my focus away from God.  Sometimes the closer I am to God the stronger the temptations or the "bad things" happen to me.  From what I understand, this is the devil's doing, trying to bring me down and away from God.  However, I know I should stand firm for God.  I know should flee from the temptations. I should lift my eyes up to Jesus and draw strength from Him.

I want to honour God in all areas of my life.  The things I do, I try to bring glory and honour to His name.  Just sometimes I am not sure if it is enough or if I'm doing things the right way.  The three areas of my life which matter to me the most are: career, health and heart.

Career

Entered into a career as a driving instructor where there is no stable income.  Income can go up and down according to popularity and ultimately it's all at the mercy of the weather.  Long summer evenings means more work.  Snow, frost and adverse weather means being housebound due to health and safety reasons.  However, I remember the verses in the Bible, Matthew 6:25-26:

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"

Although my income and popularity can fluctuate, I have peace in my heart knowing that the Lord will provide somehow.  That He will not let me go hungry and that I can continue my 'working to live' and not 'live to work'.  Driving tests are not easy things, they get harder and harder each year.  Every driving test pass I thank God for. There are certain test passes which I have witnessed first hand God at work.  Being in this job with no steady income, no paid holidays etc, I can be rely on God day by day.  With no backing of a national driving school, I am left pretty much on my own.  However, I know God is with me every step of the way and I am at peace and willing to be a testimony of His great love for me.

Health

I am quite a health conscience person.  Since 2003 I have been very conscious about the effects food and exercise can have on the body.  After losing almost three stones in around six months in 2003 I did not want to go back to my old looks.  It was in 2004 when I had my first girlfriend.  Prior to that, nobody was ever interested in me.  Many had ran away from me after knowing I liked them.  So besides chemistry, I believe my looks definitely helped get me noticed and attention from the opposite sex.  So think, why would I ever want to return to having so much flab on me?  In the past two to three years I have been looking into ways of enhancing my looks through body sculpting.  I would not really call it body building because I associate that with really buff guys with huge muscles, more like Arnold Schwarzenegger or Dolph Lundgren.  Body sculpting would be more like Jason Stathan, possibly Jackie Chan: muscle definition without the big bulk.  Being called Big G, I feel I should live up to my name and be Big.  As I blogged before a long time ago, being health conscious and having a decent size has it's benefits.  First, eating healthily will help keep my heart healthy and keep it running for longer.  Also, my body is the temple for the Holy Spirit.*  I should try to live and eat 'cleanly'.  When I train at the gym, I know ultimately I am relying on God given strength to complete my sets, my reps and my laps.  With my bigger size I am able to serve Him through physical stuff like moving equipment, setting things up as well as blessing fellow brothers and sisters in Christ by helping them move house etc.

*1 Corinthians 6:19:
"Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own"

Heart

Ah this one is very important.  So much to say about this one, but don't know what to say at the same time.  Hmm...  Ultimately I want to settle with a woman of God.  Someone who shares the same passion for Christ.  A relationship where we encourage each other's walk with God.  Some say it is important to marry into the same class.  I've even seen couples who work in the same line of work.  But where can I find a Chinese Christian female driving instructor?  Haha!  What about age?  Does an age gap make a difference?  How big a gap is acceptable?  If two people love God deeply does age, class, occupation and money really matter?  I would surely hope not, but what about stage in life?  How does one know what he/she wants in life if he/she is still at crossroads of their life and don't know which direction they are heading in?  What does God say about all this?  If only we live in simple Biblical times where everyone was a bit poorer (or so I'm guessing) and where people are more appreciative of the small things.  Didn't have technology advancement, didn't have undue expectations and pressures (or so I guess!).  Things these days can be quite complicated.

Praying to God and confiding in Him about waiting for the one whom he brings along.  Yes I can pray, but can I seek?  If I seek, does that mean I do not trust Him to answer my prayers?  If I pray and then do nothing about seeking, will He just miraculously drop someone down onto my lap? (Figuratively speaking!)  Prayer without doing anything... does that work?  Of course, if I'm asking God for Chinese Christian girl as a life partner, there are plenty whom I know.  But which one is suited to me?  And I to her?  Which one will not look at my income, my status, my longing for a family, and not be scared away?  Which one will understand my need for attention and the need to feel special?  I can devote myself to this one who can give me the chance, but is there chemistry?  So many questions swirling around my head and heart.

Therefore I should remind myself that if I seek first the Kingdom of God, if I look to please Him above all else in life, He will bless me with things in the correct time and in the correct place.  I have faith in that.  I have hope in that.  I know He has plans to bless me, not harm me (Jeremiah 29:11) so I can rest assure He knows my heart's desire to be with a God-fearing life partner and I am pretty sure He will grant it to me.  Even if I do consider potentials, I should tread carefully and with discernment of the Holy Spirit.  I must keep a close walk with God and so to know what I can/should say/do in order to approach people safely and in a Godly way.  I should listen to the Holy Spirit and let the inner voice guide me.  Above all, take my time, don't rush in.  Think a lot, pray a lot.  And remember God is ultimately in control =)

20 April 2011

Postponed

My alarm went off at 6am this morning.  Went to the toilet and came back to find my phone flashing with a new text message.  Ally from Greens texted to say the life guard called in sick so he had cover the swimming pool duty this morning and had to call off this morning's personal training session.  He asked if I wanted him to reschedule it to same time next Wednesday.  I texted back saying same time next Wednesday would be great.  I then laid back down in bed to think about the types of exercises I'd do myself today.  Also, I won't be able to train on Friday because public holiday on Good Friday means the gym opens 9am-7pm which totally doesn't suit my working schedule.  Thinking I'd be able to train tomorrow at least, I allowed myself to drift back into slumber.  However, having just gotten up not long ago, I just realised that tomorrow is Thursday and the AA have arranged for collection of their tuition vehicle (finally!!).  The guy should come between 8am-9am!  Gosh!!  No gym again!!  So no training today, tomorrow, Friday and Saturday. The only day that's left is Sunday morning, cos Easter Monday is another day off!!  Arrrgghh!!  Must train harder on Sunday and the rest of the week!!  =D

16 April 2011

Slower

I have learnt I should walk a bit slower, especially in company.  I think I tend to make people trot alongside me to catch up with me!  Lol!  I should walk a bit slower and I should eat a bit slower as well.  Dunno how I developed this habit to do things so fast.  Must be my 'go get it' nature and maybe adapting to the fast paced lifestyle of a driving instructor where even my breaks are quite rushed and a forty minute lunch break is a luxury!  I should slow down when I can.  Learn to enjoy those moments with friends, with food, with anything.  Rushing constantly is not very good.  Keeps you fit perhaps, but quality time takes exactly that: time.

Straps

Besides walking slowly in the literal sense I should also walk slowly in other areas of my life.  Health for example.  And when building relationships.  I bought a pair of weight lifting straps today at JJB for only £3.99.  Good quality Everlast weight lifting straps which will assist me when I do lifting / pulling exercises like pull ups, deadlifts, barbell rows etc.  The straps will help improve my grip strength and my overall pulling power which will help blast the target muscles (primarily the back and whole body when doing deadlifts).  I will not be rushing into the gym and train super hard expecting amazing results instantaneously.  But instead I will increase the weight of my lifts little by little and as the weights go up along with my reps, I will expect my muscles and strength to go up as well.  Deadlifts are definitely a great muscle toner and builder and I look forward to the weight increase for that exercise!  :)

Relationships

As for building relationships.  There are so many different ways to connect with someone these days: social networking, online, mobile phone, all sorts.  These are all channels of communication open for our use, or abuse.  It is so easy to establish contact with somebody through indirect ways, like Facebook comment, Facebook chat, even "poking" somebody on Facebook can be a simple way of saying "hi!" without saying anything.  Some stuff we find on Facebook and other social networks can be quite superficial.  People say or do things for attention.  Some get their attention, some fail.  The ones who fail might give up thinking they are worthless and never as popular as other people.  Others might keep trying, harder and harder to get themselves seen/ heard.  Just like the girl in the movie "Scre4m".  Won't give spoilers here, but hey, have we been there before at some point?  Maybe not to that extreme!  Lol!

Be genuine and be yourself.  If a relationship is worth developing, it will feel comfortable and it will feel "easy" in the "uncomplicated" sense.  You won't have to go all out the way to impress or to make things work.  Yes, effort has still to be put in of course, but overall, both parties should feel comfortable and in a way, normal.  Haha!  Should not be any awkwardness.  And above all, it should develop from a friendship stage.  Two strangers should not just "hit it off" like that.  It's strange and does not work.  Ok, that's speaking from personal experience here.  Hasn't worked for me.  Things have to be nurtured for sure.  Things have to be Godly and God-guided from now on.

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matt 6:33

14 April 2011

Spoilt

Had my first ice cream tonight.  Was an unplanned thing.  Haha!  Was ok la.  Felt it was quite sweet.  Maybe cos I've not had any this year.  Think my last taste was ice cream was back in Three Steps to Heaven on Byres Road.  But totally forgot who I went with and what I had.  Lol!

Is it ok to "spoil" someone?  I think it is ok.  Because our Heavenly Father spoils us so much each day.  Not that I am God, but indeed, if I am blessed so much by Him I think it is nice to bless others.  Also, "we love because He first loved us."  (1 John 4:19)  :)

However I should be aware that I am blessing and loving for the right reasons.  That it is with Godly intentions.  Sometimes we set out to do something with Godly intentions but there might be an element of personal intentions involved.  I am aware of this, hence bringing this up.  There should be a careful line drawn to avoid any mix up or confusion.  Above all, I know when I do something I should try and do it so it brings glory to God.  Can't always turn out that way, but I try :)

Here's an example of God spoiling me.  By His grace two more pupils passed their driving tests this week - Monday and Wednesday.  Great results and delight all round.  However, that also meant I lose two more pupils.  I haven't been worried though about pupils because first of all, I could do with a little rest but also I know the Lord will always provide for me.  Even the birds in the air survive on the Lord's provision.  Sure enough tonight on Fb chat, a former classmate pinged me and asked about driving lessons.  He lives not far away actually, in the east end.  Would be a pleasure teaching him and helping him out.  He took lessons last year and stopped at the end of the year and have not picked it back up again.  Hope to help him as I have helped other pupils.  This is how God can bless me and knows what I need.  The first lesson with this new pupil will be 27th April as I am fully booked up until then with lessons and driving tests.  Praise the Lord!  =D

13 April 2011

Must get back on track!

It's funny how something as simple as a text message received after a long day off work can really brighten up your day, even though it's quite dark outside.  Haha!  Finished work at 9pm last night with a deep sigh of relief.  The last two lessons of the day were very tough and really pushed me, but I thank God for sustaining me throughout.  Only the day before did a second pupil pass in the new car, of which I am very delighted and owe all thanksgiving to God for His grace.  One must not get complacent, boastful or arrogant.  Every good thing comes from the Lord (James 1:17), the same with text messages and positive stuff =)

Need to get myself sorted out man.  Been doing sooo many hours since the start of April.  This week I am on the road for 54hrs inclusive of breaks and stuff and sometimes I feel it is consuming up all my time, all of my life.  The late finishes (averaging 8pm-9pm) means I cannot get to bed early enough next morning to get up for the gym and so it has been quite frustrating when I sleep in, but I know my body needs it.  I cannot start my lesson earlier either, again, because of the late finishes.  I must set aside at least two nights of the week where I finish around 6pm.  Most likely gonna be a mid week (Wednesday) and definitely a Saturday as well.

Haven't been to the cinema in ages either.  Only been once in March to see "The Lincoln Lawyer".  Definitely not getting my money's worth from last month's subscription.  There are three more movies I want to watch this month, besides "Scream 4" with a buddy.  They are "Source Code", "Limitless" and later on "Fast & Furious 5" (which I thought was originally titled 'Fast Five').  Really hope I can catch these movies before they disappear off the big screen.

I've decided to take my birthday off work.  Have already booked a full body massage and a wax at the Men's Store.  Will be a different therapist doing the massage this time as Stephanie will be on holiday.  Ah well, at least I'll still get a pamper session and chillax.

Also this morning I called Greens and spoke to Ally.  I want to restart personal training sessions again.  These half-hearted attempts of mine really frustrate me.  I'm really falling behind in my fitness goals and this truly sucks.  So I will discuss with Ally what I want and we will agree goals on the consultation meeting next Wednesday morning 7am!  Boo-yaa!!  =D

09 April 2011

If it is to last...(part 2)

Tonight went quite well.  Weather was nice.  Conversation flowed.  Food was so-so.  Wasn't as expected but at least the company was good.  Made all the difference.  =)  Learnt a few more things as well.  Ok, noted for future reference =)

Feeling quite privileged and I know it is by the grace of God that I am.  Impromptu worship session was nice also.  Quite a funny and nice feeling.  Nerves were nowhere in sight.  Felt very peaceful.  Nice one!  :)  Still, take it easy.  If it is to last... the Lord must come first.

James 1: 17 - "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."

I am grateful Lord for what I have.  I am grateful for what you have blessed me with.  I fully trust in You with all my life and know You are in control of everything.  Therefore I shall not think too much or do too much.  Lord, I cast it all unto You.  Amen =) 

08 April 2011

If it is to last...

If it is to last, I must submit it to the Lord.

If it is to last, I must stay level-headed.

If it is to last, I must do things differently.

If it is to last, I must pray more.

I must seek first His kingdom and maybe this will be added unto to me.

If not, I should not mind, because I should look to please God above all else.  It should always be His will over mine.

I want this, but I want to please God more.  He knows what's best for me, even better than I know myself.  Keeping close to God really keeps me going, in all aspects of my daily life.  On my most taxing times I look up to the heavens and draw strength from Him.  He's truly amazing and awesome and my sole Provider.

I am confident He is my Provider, my Consultant, my Compass.

I am excited yet calm, surprised yet still, eager yet patient :)

03 April 2011

Tuition Vehicle



My new car which will be used as a driving tuition vehicle around the east and west end of Glasgow.  No more using a lease vehicle from a national franchise, so will no longer have the back up of a national driving school.  I am truly "independent" now.  No more franchise fees to pay - Yay!  No more reporting mileage to head office weekly - Yay!  No more free tyres from Kwik-Fit for punctures - No!  No more new car every 32 weeks - That's ok la!  No more livery/signage all over the car - Yay!

Truly my own boss.  Only accountable to the DSA (Driving Standards Agency) and to God.  Here we go!!  =D