High Court of Glasgow

It is raining outside right now, and it reminds me of the time I went for jury duty at the High Court of Glasgow back in 2005 when I was still working at Ford CRC.  It brings feelings of nostalgia as I will be making that same journey to court again.  Yup, received a juror citation letter through the post about three weeks ago inviting me to attend court on Monday 31st Oct 2011.  So I called up yesterday evening and it said I didn't have to attend this morning but was told to call again after 5PM today.  I still managed to teach today and during a long break I went to buy church PA equipment with Jason.  It didn't take as long as I had estimated and I still had time to pop home to see mum and to eat some food as well before my last lesson.

So... back to court tomorrow after about 5-6 year without being selected again.  It's so unfair!!  Seems like they recycle used names in a 5-6 year cycle.  My sister has never done it and I doubt they'll be inviting her anymore.  Haha!  Apparently we can only do jury duty a maximum of two times in your lifetime or something?  But then someone told me their dad did jury service three times!  LOL!  Hmm... anyway, I hope I can get there tomorrow, show face, and when the time comes for names to be picked I hope my name is not picked and I can be excused.  Because I do not want to lose any income.  Back in 2005/2006 I gave the form to my admin dept and they filled in my earnings and the court paid me for the loss of work.  But now, well being self employed means I will have to prove my earnings through accountant records etc and it all seems so troublesome AND they daily rate of pay is well below what I would earn on an average day.  Sigh...!

What's the point?

Was in a "can't be bothered" mood today.  Finished work at 3PM since my last lesson cancelled yesterday cos she was sick (genuine in fact, cos she was already losing her voice on Monday night's lesson).  So I had all this free time to spare.  Went to my Men's Store appointment to get some waxing done.  That only took about 10-15 minutes then I was back out in town again.  It was raining so I had my big umbrella up.  People were busy rushing about.  Cars and buses were busy going to their destinations.  Everyone had a purpose.  Yet I felt purpose-less, I felt aimless.  Originally I thought I might go to Next or M&S and look for suit trousers to replace my current ones.  And maybe even look for light jumper/ sweaters for having long sleeves for work in the car.  The recent dramatic change in weather has caught me out a little, especially last Monday when it was absolutely baltic.  Anyway, after using the toilet at Buchanan Galleries I just sat at the internet kiosk area, played with my phone and just couldn't be assed doing anything.

There was a feeling of loneliness creeping up inside me.  It has always lurked in the backgroud, but I do my best to fight it, not succumb to it.  I try to ignore it.  When I mentioned it to someone close, he said that I have the gym and my business to keep me occupied.  That is true.  I suppose keeping myself busy may "drown out the noise" for a while.  But what about after that?  What about at the end of the night?  The gym closes.  I finish work.  Then...?  I mean, sometimes things can feel so meaningless.  Get what I'm saying?  It's like a rich man who has all money and fame and power.  But no friends or family, sleeps alone at night.  No one to share happiness and wealth with.  Whats the point?  Yes I have friends and I have family.  But no significant other.  That gaping "hole" is getting more and more obvious now, at least to myself.

I'm not ashamed to say that but that longing is increasing daily.  I know some people say that they don't like to put things online, that they want to keep things private, don't want to let people know so much etc.  Well, that's their choice.  Too long have I listened to people's "advice" or "comments" and try to work them into my own life.  But you know what?  I don't think it'll work for me.  This is me.  This is my blog.  And I trust that it is my friends who actually read my blog.  Anybody else who stumble across my blog through Fb or through keyword searches are very welcome to read all this too.  Cos at the end of the day, this is who I am.  Gordon So, an ageing British Born Chinese Christian guy.  Yes I am a Christian, yet that does not stop me from having feelings and emotions right?  That doesn't mean I am free from feeling sad etc right?  Cos after all, it is these feelings and emotions that I share with the Lord and now I am sharing with y'all.

Some people might say that I needn't put things online, instead find a few friends to talk to and pray with you etc.  Well finding a few friends would mean having to repeat everything a few times.  Do you think I'd want that?  I might end up missing things out or saying the wrong things.  And most likely, when meeting with guys you don't get that emotional anyway.  Guys "act tough" and might not express themselves that well.  So if you wanna read this, then you're welcome to.  What you do with this information is also up to you.  Pray for me?  Laugh at me?  Tease me?  Share with your friends?  Whatever!

My sister is getting married next summer and will later migrate to Singapore to be with her hubby Nick, who so happens to be one of my close friends.  I am very happy for them deep down, genuinely.  Once Cat leaves though, the flat will only be occupied by mum and me.  Though I cannot fully comprehend what it will be like say exactly a year from now (20th October 2012), I know the house will be a lot quieter.  I will be 29 then and mum will be... nah, I am not telling you THAT!  But anyway, there will be simple meals at dinner.  Mum will be older so will be more tired after work.  Will I still be moaning like this?  Will the quietness at home mean I have more time for my mind to wander?  What's quite sad is I might not even have a partner to go to my sister's wedding with.  Who knows what God has in store though.  But at present the prospects are not looking good.  Why can't I find someone who is willing to commit to a relationship?  Why do so many people I know have to be studying?  Have to be in different walks of life from me?  I know God didn't create man to be alone, therefore when he created Adam God also created Eve as a partner for him.  In search of my "Eve" I have to remind myself that God has a plan for me.  A plan to prosper me, not to harm me.

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

"Train hard to gain hard"

Made a big investment in something last week.  It arrived by courier today but nobody was in to sign for it.  Therefore I have to pick it up myself from FedEX depot at Cumbernauld(!)  Nooo!!  I say this is an investment because it will be very useful for me and others AND comes with a 15 Year Guarantee.  Cool or what!  =)  Looking forward to picking them up tomorrow around 8AM.  Will give up sleep and miss my extra gym session for it.  Worth it?  Should be!  =)

I also bought skipping ropes off eBay and they should be arriving soon.  My flat is quite small in fact, might have to skip out at the landing outside my doorway.  Haha!  Skipping is good and I have developed a liking for it after doing the Four Minutes of Hell workout created by Jeff Cavaliere.  So I now have an exercise mat, exercise band, weight lifting straps and later skipping ropes =)  Fitness is such a healthy habit and can be so addictive.  It's all I can think of really.  I think I am more passionate about fitness than I am about driving.  LOL!  And this training I am doing now, The Wolverine Workout is soo cool!!  It's a nine-week programme which is made up for three phases, each phase taking three weeks.  I am on week two it emphasises lots on heavy weights, more rest times than before (double in fact) and increases strength and size.  Already my mum has commented how I look bigger than before (that's even without her glasses on) and I got another compliment from a guy two days ago who said my training seems to be working well cos I'm looking good.  To hear that from a guy is like so cool, haha!

"Train hard to gain hard" - I made that up myself at the gym this morning to remind myself that in order to gain muscle and size I have to lift heavy.  No point in doing the same weight and it gets easy and comfortable.  Give myself a challenge and increase the weight for the Barbell lunges as well as the Dumbell squat clean and press.  It felt amazing!!

Anyhows, better sleep as I have to get up around 7AM tomorrow.  Later then my usual 5:55AM, so I will feel like I've had a lie-in.  LOL!

Bus journeys

This All Day bus ticket (now costing £4) was my travel buddy today.  I took two buses to get to church and two buses back.  So each journey was a Pound.  Worth it?  Hmm... not really.  Didn't like how I hit my left elbow off the metal arm rest at the very back of the bus (there were no other seats left).  Didn't like how I got off a few stops too early in fear of the 41 bus going a different route and ended up walking from George Square up to Watt Brothers on Hope Street (about 4-5 blocks away) whilst looking over my shoulder every so often in case my next bus arrived.  Didn't want to run or rush cos didn't like to get all sweaty and stuff before arriving at church.  Managed to arrive at bus stop across from church at 1PM sharp so got to do my PC/ Projector duty much on time.

After church service and later the meeting at church centre I waited at the bus stop on Gt Western Road for about fifteen minutes before a bus came that took me to town before I got off and onto a different bus (41) which took me home.  The 41 bus from Odeon was the first stop, so the bus sat there for about six minutes before it started it's journey.  From previous experience of taking the bus I remember it being common courtesy to leave the front few rows vacant for the elderly and mothers with prams etc.  So I sat on the second row behind the open space.  However, I must have grown some more since the last time I was on the bus.  Because my knees seemed to have felt squashed behind the seat in front and I had to sit slightly turned to the side.  LOL!

I almost got off the bus about three stops early because I started smelling cigarette smoke coming from the back of the bus.  The smoke is is something I definitely do not miss about public transport.  Yucks!!

Warning light

Managed to cut down the number of Fb photos to 560 from 919.  Was not easy I must say, took two days.  Lol!  Did most of it today, because I had so much spare time at home.  Not by choice, but only managed to teach one lesson today and cancelled another after the Fuel in Oil warning lamp lit up on my instrument panel.  Argh!!  That's the second time this has happened.  First time was back in May and the Ford garage performed an oil service and the light went off.  Surely it can't be the same issue again, and please, do not tell me there is another oil service required.  =(

So for now the car is parked across from the house and I'm not driving it until Monday morning when I will take it to the service department.  It's gonna mean taking the bus to church tomorrow.  And this weather, it's gonna suck!!  =(

Tag removal

Feeling vain tonight, so have started removing/ deleting tags from Fb photos that are not very good looking.  LOL!  Currently I have 919 photos that I'm tagged in.  Will take waaaay too long to finish tonight.  Haha!

Think I'll make it a project to do in the next two weeks or something.  Haha!  =P