15 June 2009

Lousy but not a loser

I'm glad that Monday has come today. The weekend has passed and I am back at work today with three days of annual leave to look forward to! Whoo-hoo! Looking forward to a two-day week this week. That's not the only reason why I am glad today is Monday. It was because I was quite down on Saturday. Aye, I had worship practice in the morning at 11am. What usually is complete around 2hrs actually lasted till 2:15pm. And the reason for the length of the practice was because of me. I hadn't played guitar for a while. I think it was almost two months ago since I last picked up my guitar when playing for B's worship set. This time I was playing for K's worship set along with D. Man, I sucked big time! The main concerns were with my plucking, and not being able to change chords smoothly in order to pluck in sync with the the other guitar. Stopped so often cos I was unable to pluck a crisp clear note or failing to remember finger positions for a new chord. Man, what an embarrassment. :S I was determined not to let pride get in the way. I am always willing to learn new stuff and find I can pick things up quite easily, especially if I can see it. However, that did not stop the sweat beads accumulating on my forehead, exposed by my new short hairline. Felt quite lousy at the end of the practice sesh. Inside I was poised and ready to say, "Yeah ok!" if any one suggested that I could sit this session out. But of course, that was not gonna happen. Yep, keep trying. Keep working hard.

Part of me was reminded of how crap I can be at guitar, esp compared to D. In recent weeks I had not spent any time playing guitar except the occasional turn at Sunday School worship, but no plucking was involved, nothing taxing. Whilst I sucked at guitar, I reminded myself that I am good at driving instruction, I am good at the gym and working out. It shows that no-one can really "have it all", nobody is perfect. Though these are my strong points, they may not be others' strong points, so I shouldn't compare like that and shouldn't be too down with myself. :) I hadn't felt such negative feelings for a long time. A while ago I felt a bit down when I realised my driving instruction course was not really going anywhere, but after looking at ways of improving myself with buddying and extra practice etc, I have become more determined and positive about completion in the near future. However, Saturday really left me beat. I was frustrated with myself once again and really needed to let off somewhere or at something.

So off to the gym I went and started running about 2:45pm for 40mins including another 5mins cool down. I had a minute left of my 30mins run when I decided to add another 10mins just to prove to myself "I can do it!" that I can endure the toughness of these physical challenges despite being crap at something else. I worked my abs, hard. I worked on chest and back muscles, hard. C'mon! I'll prove to y'all there's stuff I can do that others can't! That I can do stuff well too!!

I felt much better after the gym session, where I was able to battle it out with myself. I went home to dinner and practiced on the guitar. Yes, it was not over yet. The important day was still to come. So practiced and recalled new things I was taught and then went to bed. Sleeping wasn't great. I wouldn't be able to fully relax until mid-afternoon Sunday.

Sunday came. Worship practice was better than Saturday and the practice and prayers had definitely paid off. To be out of the limelight, away from attention I opted to play seated at the rear for the service. I gave it my best shot and praise God it went ok. Don't think I made as much mistakes as I had anticipated and being seated meant I could see my strings clearer for plucking etc. :)

Yeah, this post seems pointless now as I don't feel as lousy as Saturday, however I still wanted to put this down cos it's a reminder that we don't have to be great at everything. I know that I am not great at everything, or need to be good at a lot of things. Just need one or two things that you're really good at, that you can "specialise" in and it would be good. For me, it would definitely be my career and my health. The rest I can just overlook and not be so uptight about. :)


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